wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
