I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
