I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
