You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
