I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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