Don't make out with my wife yet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
