her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
