I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
