You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
