That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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