So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
