you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My breasts were aching with rage.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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