I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
