we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
