1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
