I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
