So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
