yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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