I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
