piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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