he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
