Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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