Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
