its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
