would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
