did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
