Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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