so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
vagina is talking i cant
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
