What a fucking waste of an outfit
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
