Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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