there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
