i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
