I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
