i need an iv and a liver transplant
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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