no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
