Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
