I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
