remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
