Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
