First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
