I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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