so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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