Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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