You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
