I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
