dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
