we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
