Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sext me about skeletons
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
