we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
