Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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