I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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