last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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